HAPPY 2009!

Happy New Year to all of my friends, family and acquaintances out there, as well as those I have never met. While I have not been posting lately, I felt the need tonight. 2008 brings to end a year that was a personal challenge for my husband and I, but brings it to end on a positive note. We feel better than ever and are excited about the possibilities and promises of 2009. I don't believe we are the only ones with hope and gratitude.

I would like to say my "gratefuls", as my Dad calls them, out here in the blogosphere. I am grateful for life, to learning how to live and learning from my mistakes. I am grateful for employment and the possibilities of doing more Italy tours in the future. I am grateful for my husband, who after having had to jump many physical and emotional hurtles this last year, not only cleared them, but came away jumping higher than I ever would have thought. I am grateful for the 5 wonderful years I spent with my dog, Golia, whom we had to put down this year. I am grateful for the opportunity we have to move in the next few weeks to a glorious piece of country on the Central Coast of California, where serenity reigns supreme. I am grateful to an amazing and supportive family, who I am lucky to count as my true friends besides being related to them. I am grateful for friends, old and new, who walk the path with me. I am grateful for my health, yoga, teachers, travel, abundance and nature.

May your new year and beyond be filled with peace, happiness, love and health. And just for some inspiration, I give you this quotation from Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.We must ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you NOT to be?You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.It is not in just some of us; it’s in everyone.And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same.As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Where Has Jeni Been?

I must get personal here in order to explain. Most of you know that my husband has been undergoing a medical treatment for the last year. You also probably remember that my mother died in October. I also mentioned here that I was helping to care for a neighbor who was dying of cancer last year and passed away just before Christmas. I also started my tour company last year and in January began selling Italian wine again. To, put it lightly, my plate has been full and life has been very heavy. I have broad shoulders and can really handle a lot, but I finally reached my limit. About the same time my husband finished his treatment, about three weeks ago, I hit the wall. I was breaking down, tired, depressed and utterly exhausted emotionally. It had all caught up with me. I think the fact that my husband finished and that I knew he would be improving quickly, allowed me to let go of my responsibilities and let my shoulders drop a bit. I finally let all the stress of the last year come to the surface.

I have never been depressed in my life, but I finally got the picture of what depression felt like.

Then...it got worse. Our favorite dog, Golia, our big teddy bear, had a problem. My husband was walking him across the street, on a leash, when he crossed paths with a woman and her small dog. We pass by this woman and her dog almost daily with no incidences. That day, Golia decided to lunge for the little dog, and not being able to get at him, bit the owner's leg instead...badly. It was awful and traumatic for everyone. (The woman is going to be fine. She is healing from some extensive plastic surgery on her leg.) We fell apart. After some days of trying to calm down, we consulted several German Shepherd and animal behaviorist specialists. We all were able to put together an understanding of why Golia did it. Since my husband was home sick all year, Golia felt stressed and sensed the change in the house. (He was always extremely tuned in and sensitive to us.) There were small changes in him during the year that indicated stress that we did not see. Also, my husband did not walk with Golia except a few times during the year; I walked Golia daily. So, Golia became extra protective of Antonio and Antonio lost some of the dominance he had over Golia. Because the incident happened in front of our house, the dog was also extra protective. Golia was also a rescue dog, so we don't know what else could have triggered his fear, and ensuing "misdirected aggression", from his past. The experts agreed, he was not attacking the woman, but taking his aggression out on the closest thing to him when he couldn't get to the dog. We were left with the option of keeping him away from people for the rest of his life, muzzling him when we left the house and never taking a vacation and leaving him with anyone, or...putting him down. After much heartbreaking reflection we decided to put him down. We could not risk this happening again, and potentially being worse. We put him down two weeks ago.

We rescued Golia 5 years ago, and he had been abused and had a hard life. It took a lot of work to break through to him, but when we did, the pay off was huge (as it so often happens with rescues.) It is so difficult to explain to those who didn't know him, but he was one of the cuddliest, sweetest, friendliest big dogs either one of us had ever met. Anyone who came to our house fell in love with him, even to the point of ignoring our other dog. He was my daily walking partner. He was a 105 pounds of happy, bouncy, appreciative, expressive and loving presence in our house - especially this last year when we needed that lightness so. We miss him tremendously.

On a lighter note, my husband is improving daily and that is bringing so much joy back to our lives. All the things we take for granted like standing in the sun, listening to music, taking a walk, driving a car, eating what you want, and more, he couldn't do this last year. Everything is a gift to him right now, and in turn a gift for me, too!

I will be leaving for Italy soon- taking a group of wine and food enthusiasts on a week long tour of Tuscany. Lucky for me that I have lots of friends in Italy that I will be visiting and staying with. The trip will be a salve for my tired soul. I don't know if I will be posting anything from the road, but you will hear more from me on the trip, before and after for sure.

Another beautiful thing I have planned to put a smile on my face is a camping trip this weekend with my nephew Nicholas. I have written about him here before. We will explore Big Basin State Park in the Santa Cruz Mountains of Northern California.

I leave you with a big thank you for all the blogging friends I have made out there who have sent me the kindest notes of support over the last year. I also leave you with this beautiful picture taken yesterday of my husband who is slowly becoming more active and our other dog, Ruby.

More soon my friends!

Still Here

Dear friends,

I am still here, but have been away from blogging for a few weeks. Life happened. My intentions are to get back to a normal blogging routine soon, after some things calm down in my life. I miss you all!

In the meantime, please don't forget to submit your post for this month's Apples & Thyme event. This is the first time we have a guest host - the talented and beautiful Chris at Mele Cotte. Do forward all entries to here at melecotte AT gmail DOT com.

May you all be well.

I'll be back soon (or "A Presto" as we say in Italian),
Jeni

Passionate Mondays and a Meme

Today I am passionate about books.

For Christmas I got exactly what I wanted - BOOKS! Yes, all books, with the exception of one
"Yoga Trance Dance" DVD. It seems that books are at the top of my wish list and have been for years. I love seeing piles of books around my house; it is somehow comforting. There are many books that I have owned for years but never read, but just looking at them brings me sense of pleasure and excitement.

Being that I have many friends, customers and blogging buddies interested in Italy, I wanted to share with all of you a list of some great books on Italy that I own:

TRAVEL

OSTERIA D'ITALIA by Slow Food Editore: there is now an English version available and I believe it is called OSTERIA OF ITALY. For me, it is one of the best restaurant guide books. It will lead you only to authentic Italian eateries.

EATING IN ITALY by Faith Willinger: I just got this one for Christmas and I'm sure I will treasure it as Faith has a great reputation in the Italian food and cooking world.

ONE HUNDRED AND ONE BEAUTIFUL TOWNS IN ITALY - FOOD & WINE by Paolo Lazarin: This looks like a nice coffee table book, with brilliant pictures, but the information is amazing and entertaining. It delves into each region of Italy and explores the wine and food traditions of various areas within each.

VENICE FOR PLEASURE by J.G. Links: Here I am showing my favoritism toward Venice. Yes, it's my favorite city on earth, and up until I read this book, I refused to use a guidebook to Venice, preferring to wander on my own and purposefully get lost among its mazes of alleys. This book changed me. I read it from cover to cover, marking pages, planning routes for myself and getting excited about discovering the hidden treasures of "La Serenisima". It worked! The last time I went, I used it as my guide and uncovered a Venice I hadn't known existed.

NOVELS & FUN READING

THE SIXTEEN PLEASURES by Robert Hellenga: This one has been out a while and has many fans. It is a historical novel (my favorite kind) about the young foreigners who came to Florence in 1966 to volunteer to save Florence's relics and art from ruin after the Arno flooded the city.

UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN & BELLA TUSCANY by Francis Mayes: Yes, everyone knows the first book, but has everyone read the second? I actually liked it more than the first. And, PLEASE, if you have only seen the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun", do yourself a favor and read the book to see what all the hype was really about. (Although the movie was kind of cute.)

THE RUBY RING by Diane Haeger: Another historical novel, this one about the famous painter Rafael and his lover. Set in 16th century Rome it is full of sumptuous details, loosely based on fact and full of love, politics and papal history.

BIRTH OF VENUS by Sarah Duvant: I loved this one! This historical novel is set in 15th century Florence is also overflowing with historical detail, as well as love, politics, art and betrayal. I particularly enjoyed it as the main female character was able to gain more personal freedom that most women had during that era.

COOKBOOKS

ITALIAN REGIONAL COOKING by Ada Boni: I'm not sure if this is even in print anymore, but I did see it in a used bookstore the other day. It is simply great reading! Ms. Boni did an extraordinary job of researching each region's food and wine traditions, including history about the origins of certain foods and styles of cooking. It was written in the 60s, and much has changed since then, but in reading about these regional traditions makes understanding their current traditions easier. I also believe that through a country, or in this case a region's, culinary traditions, one can learn a lot about the culture, and this book proves it. (Just checked on Amazon and there appears to be later versions of this book available, but I'm not sure how they differ from the original one.)

MARCELLA HAZAN: If you don't own a Marcella Hazan cookbook, and you want to learn to cook (more) Italian food, by all means buy one. To me, she is the "go to" expert for Italian food. Her recipes are classic, as are her cooking methods. I recommend THE ESSENTIALS OF ITALIAN CLASSIC COOKING or MARCELLA'S ITALIAN KITCHEN.

Staying with our book theme, Scarlett over at From the Shores of Introspect and Retrospect tagged me with this meme months and months ago. I did not forget about it, but just hadn't gotten around to it. Since it is a book meme, it fits nicely with the rest of this post.

"By the Book"

1. Total number of books owned: Oh gosh, I never would count something like that, but they are in every room of my house and I am always running out of space in which to put them, so I suppose hundreds...but never enough!

2. Last book bought: IMAGINE A WOMAN IN LOVE WITH HERSELF by Patricia Lynn Reilly. I just started it, and it looks highly inspirational. Oh, and I almost always buy used books.

3. Last book read: I have always had multiple books going at once - I think it's a Gemini thing. These are the books I have going right now-

The book above.

THREE CUPS OF TEA by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin - I can't recommend this one enough! The true story of a mountain climber who devotes his life to building schools for the needy in Pakistan and Afghanistan. I can't put it down for its inspiration, story and intrigue.

THINK & GROW RICH by Napolean Hill - I like to call this "The Original Secret". First published in 1937 it is a fascinating and inspiring book about how to achieve and/or get what you want. It is not some light-hearted, self-help book like THE SECRET, but a detailed and well-researched book about how our minds work and how to make our minds work for us.

FIRE by Anais Nin - I have been a fan of hers since college and recently decided to delve more deeply into her life. This is her "unexpurgated diary" of 1934-1937. I have been a "journaler" for all my life, so reading this kind of stream of consciousness life story appeals to me. Of course, being Anais Nin, it is filled with explicit sexual detail.

THOUGHTS IN SOLITUDE by Thomas Merton - Merton, a contemplative Christian monk, has a simple, direct writing style that I love. He has written many books all of them coming from what he has learned from years of solitude, about our mind and our spirits work. While I am not a Christian, his beliefs and discoveries are very much aligned with the great spiritual traditions of the world.

WEST WITH THE NIGHT by Berel Markham - a classic that I can't believe I hadn't read before. Extremely beautiful writing about a life well-lived. Berel Markham was an independent spirit and a pilot in Africa.

I warned you, I am a Gemini! Could those books be more different? I really am reading all of them at once, too.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me:

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI by Paramahansa Yogananda

AVATAR by Jean Adriel (about Meher Baba)

Any book of Rumi's poetry

THE GLASS BEAD GAME by Herman Hesse

SIDDARTHA by Herman Hesse

Now it is my turn to tag. I tag Maryann at Finding La Dolce Vita, Tina at Pecorino e Miele, Erin at The Olive Notes, Susan at The Well Seasoned Cook, and Katie at Thyme For Cooking.

Have a passionate Monday!

New Year's Thoughts & Gnocchi di Zucca/Butternut Squash Gnocchi

The last few weeks I stepped back from blogging, and I apologize. I always find myself drawing inward at year end and the beginning of a new year. I take stock, analyze myself and my life, look at what I accomplished in the past year, how I have grown and ways that I wanted to grow, but didn't. I don't make resolutions for the new year, but I fine tune the path I have set for myself. It picks up from my frame of mind at the beginning of the previous year and adjusts it accordingly. One annual exercise I do is to write quite a bit about how my life is (present tense) at the end of the coming year. So, for instance, I write: "at the end of 2008 I am more unapologetically Jeni." (Yes, this is one of my main desires.) By putting my path and my desires in the present tense, and committing it to writing, I have always found that it fills me with a sense of already having accomplished it, which is a very powerful tool.

Over the last week, in addition to my introspection, I got my life more organized, my office and yoga/meditation studio more in order and inspiring, and cleaned up some of those old piles of "to do" things that had collected dust for months and months. This type of mental and physical cleaning house makes me feel ready to meet the new year with enthusiasm and inspiration. Indeed, I do feel that way and am working on several different exciting work projects already.

...and now back to my blog...

Today I bring you one of my favorite fall/winter recipes - Butternut Squash Gnocchi. For those of you who read my blog regularly already know that I am a big fan of butternut squash and sage, and recently presented another recipe with these ingredients. If you don't like these ingredients, well, you can stop reading now, or look through some of my other recipes for different inspiration.

Adapted from Biba Gaggiano's TRATTORIA COOKING

Serves 6 as a "primi" or first course, or 3 as main course

1 butternut squash (about 2 lbs) cut in half lengthwise (seeds scooped out)

1 large egg beaten

1 1/2 cups flour, plus extra for coating and rolling

1/2 cup freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano (with more for the table)

For the sauce:

4 Tbsp. butter

4 Tbsp. high quality olive oil

A handful of sage leaves (more or less 30 medium to large leaves)

salt to taste

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly brush the squash halves with olive oil and bake on a sheet, cut side up until tender, about 45 minutes. (This can be done a day ahead.)

Cool squash. Scoop out flesh and put all of it into a clean, dry kitchen towel. Squeeze out most of the juice, but not all, approximately 1/2 cup.

Put the squash pulp into a bowl and egg, some salt, flour and Parmigiano. Mix well. Place the mixture in a floured bowl and cover with a clean kitchen towel. Freeze for about one hour.

Spread some flour on a baking sheet. Remove the dough from the freezer. With you fingers, take about a teaspoon of the dough at a time and roll into a ball, then roll the ball into the flour. Place gnocchi on a lightly floured cookie sheet. Repeat until all the dough is used. This gets to be pretty sticky business, so you may have to clean your hands off from time to time. Place gnocchi in refrigerator until ready to use, up to several hours.

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. (I add about 1 Tbsp. of salt to the water.) Meanwhile, heat the butter and oil in a frying pan and add sage leaves. Cook on medium-low heat until butter begins to brown and the sage gets crispy. (Be careful as cooking this too quickly or with too much heat can lead to the butter and sage burning easily.) Add a little salt to the oil and butter mixture.

Add the gnocchi to the boiling water and boil for about 2 minutes, or until they rise to the surface. Remove them with a slotted spoon and add to the pan with the sage butter. Coat all gnocchi well and transfer to a platter or large bowl. Be sure to pass fresh Parmigiano Reggiano at the table for topping these tasty little morsels.

For wine, I find a light red goes well with squash dishes. Try a Dolcetto, Gamay, Pinot Noir, Nero d'Avola or Chianti Colli Senesi.

Buon Appetito!

Happy New Year/Buon Anno!

Ravioli di Zucca/Squash Ravioli

I realize that I haven't been posting much lately. Life is full at the moment and I still feel a bit like pulling inward, taking inventory, and healing. It must be the season and all that has happened in my life this year.

I am on my way to a three day personal getaway to visit friends in Northern California, after spending today in Santa Barbara to help my father and aunt decorate their house for Christmas. I am sure that those connections will help to renew my spirits and fill me with inspiration. So, I won't get to post a Passionate Monday next week, but will resume the following week. But that doesn't mean that we all shouldn't find ways to live passionately!

I was so very touched by the responses from my last post about charity. I love to hear about everyone's favorite way to give. Thank you all who shared.

I have been wanting to post this recipe for quite some time, as it one of my husband's and my favorites.

Every fall the cooler weather and winter squashes arrive almost simultaneously. It is a good thing since I crave their comfort on brisk evenings. Butternut squash is an excellent source of Vitamin A, but also contains fiber, Vitamin C, manganese, magnesium and potassium. I just read that these squashes originated in Mexico, but they quickly spread to all parts of the new and old world, as you can find them used in most cultures.

This recipe is a labor of love, but if spread over a couple of days, the effort isn't too strenuous. We originally made these raviolis with a simple browned butter and sage sauce. Now we like to serve it over tomato sauce with the browned butter and sage sauce on top. While it may seem like a lot of flavors, they are very complimentary and oh-so-delicious! Please forgive my inexact proportions, but it really is difficult to make a mistake with these ingredients, so have fun with it.

Ravioli di Zucca or Butternut Squash Ravioli

Served over Tomato Sauce and Topped with Browned Butter & Sage

Serves 3-4 as a main course (or 6 as a starter)

Again, the Tomato Sauce is optional. If you are going to use it, make a marinara sauce ahead of time.

Start by roasting a butternut squash (about 3 lbs.) in the oven at 350 degrees until soft and golden, about one hour. (After cutting in half and scooping out the seeds, I brush with olive oil and turn face down on a baking sheet to bake.) This can be done the day before making the ravioli.

When the squash is cool enough to handle, scoop out the flesh into a bowl. Stir in about one cup of ricotta cheese, 2/3 cup grated parmigiano reggiano, salt and pepper. If you live in Italy, the ricotta that you can buy is so much tastier than what we have in the U.S. that you can use just ricotta without the parmigiano. I would be tempted to use ricotta di pecora/sheep's milk ricotta for its unique flavor. Taste and adjust ingredients to your palate. (This, too, can be done a day ahead. If this mixture sits for a while, some liquid will separate. Drain off the liquid before using.)

For the pasta, I use Marcella Hazan's pasta recipe (but use a little more flour than she calls for - most likely because our flours are different here), but you can use whichever one you like. Or, if you are lucky enough to have access to buying fresh pasta, that makes this recipe much easier! A few of my tips for handmade pasta are:

• Make it by hand, at least the first half a dozen times, so that you can really get the "feel" for the pasta. You will learn what it is supposed to feel like, you will learn what happens when it is too dry, too wet, etc. Once you master it, then you could make it in a mixer or food processor, but if you are like me, you will get hooked on doing it by hand and never use a machine!
• I find that the dough when ready will have a silky consistency, not too tacky.
• When rolling out, don't be afraid to dust with flour whenever the dough feels too sticky.
• When pasta is done, cut into six wedges.
• Roll out each wedge, on setting number 1 of a pasta machine, three times, folding in thirds between each roll. Set aside and repeat with remaining wedges.
• Then take a pasta section and roll through settings 2-6. Repeat with each section, setting them aside on floured cloth when done.

Match pieces as closely as possible by size. Drop spoonfuls of squash filling, leaving at least 1 1/2" between.

Place another sheet on top and carefully press out the air around each mound and press to seal.

Cut between the raviolis and place each one on a floured plate or sheet. Set aside but do not refrigerate.

While you are bringing your pasta water to a boil, prepare the browned butter and sage sauce. We use about 2/3 butter to 1/3 good olive oil and a lot of sage. (Proportions for 4 people would be about 6-8 Tbsp. butter, 3-4 Tbsp. oil, and maybe 20-30 large sage leaves left whole or cut into pieces - your choice.) Saute until butter begins to brown and sage begins to crisp. Be careful not to burn!

Also, while the pasta water is boiling, if you will be using a tomato sauce for a base like we do, then heat that up. We make a simple marinara (be sure that you puree it so that is not chunky for this preparation.) You can also just take a can/box of tomato puree, add a good glug of olive oil and salt and pepper and reduce down by at least a third, which would take almost an hour. It is not quite as tasty as making a true marinara, but it is pretty darn good!

When your sauces are ready, drop the ravioli into the boiling water one at a time. These only take 3-5 minutes to cook, depending on how big you made them. You will be able to see, or feel, the edges change when they are ready. It is a little too rough on the ravioli to dump them into a colander, so we use a slotted spoon to remove them into a colander.

Spread your tomato sauce, if you are using one, on the bottom of the serving platter.

Place the raviolis on top, pour the sage/butter sauce over the top and serve with plenty of grated parmigiano reggiano on the side.

I know you are thinking this looks like a lot of work, but it is worth every minute. It is an addictive dish! Serve it with a fruity red wine like dolcetto, refosco, nero d'avola or a very simple Chianti.

I find that I usually have left over filling. I either freeze it for my next batch, or use it the following days as a bruschetta topping with some drizzled sage butter on top.

This is my entry for Weekend Herb Blogging, this week hosted by Briciole.

Buon appetito!

Another Dose of Something Passionate

I like this "Dose of Something Passionate" so much that perhaps I will make it a Monday ritual. Who says Mondays can't be passionate?

Passion as defined by Merriam-Webster is: "a strong liking or devotion to some activity, object, or concept; or an object of desire or deep interest; enthusiasm; zeal."

How can we infuse passion, or more enthusiasm, into our everyday lives? Some ways that come to mind are: making every moment count, cooking with love, do something out of our ordinary routine, pick some flowers, or just stop and smell them, doing mundane tasks with our mind devoted to the task, or doing something nice for someone and not letting them know who did it.

Do you have any practices that you do to make your life more passionate?

I have a friend who was forced to come face to face with himself when his wife left him abruptly about five years ago. He opened himself up fully to the challenge, looking in all the deepest parts of his soul and being, searching for meaning, for answers. He emerged from that difficult process a more passionate and happier human being. He found his enthusiasm for life, for family, for his profession, for friends, for the spirit, and eventually, for love again. As he was coming into "his own" he wrote me a note that I've never forgotten. It said:

"Life is…too short…too strange…
so precious…so precious…
there is no time not to express
love…so Love!"

I can't think of anything more passionate than that sentiment.

Have a passionate Monday. Oh, why not make it a passionate week?

Watching Our Parents Age

I miss writing into this amazing universe called the blogosphere. I put thoughts, recipes or photos into the world wide web and a magic thing happens - other people out there respond. Beautiful connections to people from all around the world are made. Yes, indeed, blogging is a lovely gift of the computer age.


I have been a way for a while - in Santa Barbara helping my parents. I know, like many of you, you are either watching your parents age, or watched them age and then pass away. I feel truly blessed to be a part of my parents' lives and be able to watch them age, and in addition, to actually like them and love to be with them (an added bonus!) However, watching a parent suffer is so painful. My mother has been suffering in pain for six years - chronic headache pain. She has days when the pain is less, never a day when the pain is completely gone, and most days the pain is moderate to severe. For the last ten days, here pain has been severe and there is nothing that modern or alternative medicine can do about it. She has been to every kind of specialist that one should see. She spent three years going to a top-notch pain clinic, she has no less than three doctors on her case at all times. We feel that we have tried almost everything. There is no explanation except that it is most likely an auto-immune disease. (That catch all term for diseases that no one can figure out.) It seems as though her nerves are damaged and sending a continual message to her body that she is in pain. Add to this the fact that she has a form of Alzheimer's called Lewy Body Dementia, her situation is sad, to put it mildly.


Watching my father watch his wife go through this pain and become someone different everyday is also torture. The whole thing is heartbreaking. Those of us trying to help end up feeling helpless, like our efforts are futile. Even the doctors feel this way.


Witnessing my mother's changes and pain have brought different qualities out of me. I found out that I am a really good caretaker and nurse. I have an ability to just accept what I am seeing as a part of life and not try to fight it. I have a hunch years of meditation and yoga are helping me here. I have a reserve of calm and fortitude that is deeper than I could have ever imagined. I am learning (mostly by reading a lot) how to deal with my mother's dementia in a way that preserves her dignity and how to reach her on an emotional level when rational thoughts and conversation no longer work. I have learned more gratitude for what I do have and what we still have as a family. I take things less for granted. Don't get me wrong - I am not an expert in any of these things, but I am constantly learning by being in the thick of it.


So, while I wish my mother was out of her pain, I am fishing around for the tiny pearls of wisdom to be learned from this experience. Admittedly, there is another side to me that feels like a lioness - I want to roar and demand justice. I want someone to come up with a solution to help her. I want to protect her at all costs - even if to the extent of wishing euthanasia was legal.


I am not writing this for pity, but to, as always, make connections with others out there who must have experienced or are experiencing something similar.


My mother on a particularly good day three years ago, being feed one of her favorite foods - ice cream - by one of her granddaughters. While not a good photo, it is a happy one.

An added afterthought: I believe that suffering in life is a given. Whether it is emotional, mental or physical suffering - we cannot escape it. But as African Vanielje says in her comment below, it is how we deal with it that counts. It is through these lessons we have the opportunity to grow, learn and deepen our connection to others and the great spirit.

Luciano Pavarotti 1935-2007

Arrivederci to il maestro! He died this morning at home with his family by his side.
He will be missed by all.

Gratitude and Panzanella

It's Sunday. I love the slow pace of Sundays, reading the newspaper while savoring a cappuccino, cooking, walking the dogs, even doing laundry takes on an easier air. Lunch, however, is my favorite part of the day. I prefer to have a substantial meal at mid-day and eat lighter for dinner, if I have my choice. Fixing lunch seems to be my specialty, whereas my marito (husband) who is a fantastic cook, can only seem to manage dinners. I can look at the refrigerator and pantry and always find something to create out of leftovers and stocked items. Antonio needs to always start a meal from scratch. I'm not sure what that says about us, but I am thankful that are talents are not the same!

Yesterday Antonio warned me that he would be ripping up our tomato plants soon. I protested, "Just a few more days, pleeeeease!" I want to enjoy every last possible little red treasure. So, today, I picked a bunch of cherry tomatoes and romas, along with some basil. I had a cucumber from the farmers' market and some old bread - all the makings of panzanella (of course with some very good olive oil, salt and pepper.)

It seems as though I have seen a lot of posts recently using ceci/chickpeas and they were on my mind. We always have ceci in the pantry, so I decided to try some mixed in my panzanella. I say "my" because I have learned not to try anything untraditional on my husband. I let him try my experiments from my plate before I make them for him. It usually works. However, if I had prepared his dish experimentally, most likely he would have not liked it. A little kitchen psychology at work! Anyhow, the ceci on the panzanella was wonderful.

Yesterday I had made Becsfarm's Baba Ghanoush (see her post for recipe.) Today I also added a few of the ceci on top of the Baba Ghanoush and liked it very much.

As we were having lunch, a dark storm rolled in - a very rare occurrence in a Southern California summer. With a bouquet of fresh, home-grown roses on the table, the heavy air and cool breeze, I could imagine myself in the countryside of Italy or France. I felt very grateful for all that we have in our little house, our tiny garden, our love, our friends, our family, our food (and full tummies), our dogs and our slow Sunday lunch.

Oh, here are our "babies", Golia and Ruby, who are also very grateful - grateful to have us all home together:

A Sense of Place...Continued

Over dinner the other night, Antonio and I had a discussion regarding this concept of "A Sense of Place" (see my post from August 14, 2007.) I realized that there are so many places that I am drawn to, and so many places in which I could easily live, like Spain, Big Sur, Taos, Provence, Mendocino, etc. However, there is a subtle difference between a place in which I could live and a place that feels like home. It is more than a place that feels comfortable and more than a place that makes you happy. For me it is a place that is familiar. Do you know that feeling of stumbling on a place that you feel like you already know (this can happen with people, too)? Oddly enough, for me one of those places is Tibet, as I mentioned in my last email, which feels so familiar and like home. However, I could not live in Tibet for an extended period of time. I suppose that is how my sister feels about the arctic (again, see the last post about this.) My other "home" spots - Santa Cruz and Italy - are definitely livable for me. When I am in those places you practically have to drag me away kicking and screaming. So, is this sense of place that feels like home, as my sister said, "like slipping into your own skin"? Is it how you feel more yourself when you are in that place or does the place make you into someone you like more?

As Rebecca and African Vanielje commented in that other post, some feel that "home is where the heart is." During my conversation about this with my husband, we both said that we don't feel that way. My love lives with me in Southern California, but this place does not feel like home to either of us. Sognatrice alluded to this as well when she wrote that she left familial love to live in the place that felt like home, even though it was very far away. So, that theory is not universal.

I am left with more questions than answers and welcome all comments regarding this topic.

A Sense of Place

Oh, I am missing Italy/home!!!

In the last week I have been corresponding with a few wonderful bloggers on the importance of place or home. We are in agreement that there are some places where one feels instantly home (slightly different than "at home"), even if we have never been there. For example, Scarlett of "From the Shores of Introspect and Retrospect", knows she will be at home in Italy and may not even come back, even though she has never been there. Michelle at "bleeding espresso..." knew she had found her home when she went to her grandmother's village in Calabria. I, too, felt instantly home in Italy, as I knew I would when I first went there. Every time I fly back from Italy to the U.S., to what is supposed to be my "home", I get very confused and saddened because I feel like I am leaving my home! To deepen this discussion, I also believe that there can be multiple places where we feel home. For me those locations are very distinct from Italy: one is Santa Cruz, California and the other is Tibet. In both instances, the minute I arrived in those places I felt that I was home.

Perhaps my eloquent sister put it best today, when she sent me this photo of her, taken two weeks ago in Alaska. She said that she felt like she was "stepping into herself" or like she "was lying her head down on a soft pillow", and I will add to that - "and exhaling." Ahhhh. She had arrived in the Arctic - the place she always knew would be "home." It shows...she is positively glowing!

Where is your home, or the homes of your soul? Do you feel the power of a place that calls to you?

Join the Bandwagon

I saw this on Mele Cotte's blog and had to join the bandwagon:

Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!

What We Feed Ourselves

This is primarily a food blog with other random thoughts and pictures thrown in. So, I am usually writing about feeding ourselves. Today, I was thinking quite a lot about the art of feeding ourselves, figuratively speaking, as opposed to what food we put in our mouths. I started my day with a jog in beautiful Santa Barbara, California, which must be one of the prettiest spots on earth. I love my walks or runs there because I take in so many beautiful sights and smells and don't take in many disturbing urban sounds (like I have in Los Angeles.) My soul is nourished through these lovely feelings entering my senses. I got in the car to drive back home, still on a "sensual" high. I chose to drive home along the ocean, thereby filling my senses with more - ocean smells, sounds, breezes, mountainsides, beaches, etc... The importance of what we feed ourselves hit me over the head so strongly, despite the fact that I have thought about this before. The contrast become sadly apparent upon emerging from Santa Monica onto the L.A. freeways filled with congestions, pollution, invasive billboards and ugly buildings. Keeping the balance in life is not easy; we must strive to fill our souls via our senses with beautiful things - sounds, smells, tastes, sights and feelings. So, buon appetito to life!

...and here's a little photo to brighten your day:

A Bunch of Happiness

Be Your Unique Self

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost."
~ Martha Graham

Welcome to my life and blog

In starting this blog, I was inspired by another blog that happened to be named one of my favorite phrases - "If not now, when?" Life is what is happening now, not in the future, not in the past. The internet and blogs have become a way to connect with others across time, cultures and political borders. When the internet started becoming popular, almost every sociologist was warning that it would separate us from others; it would isolate people. I believed that. Now, it has become obvious that the internet has done the opposite. We can get to know someone intimately who is on the other side of the planet, we can read about what our friends are doing today in Italy, we can be inspired by someone we have never met nor heard of, and we can share ideas with others with whom we would have never come in contact. Since I have been inspired by others, especially others who are in this struggle called LIFE but who have managed to be true to themselves and follow their hearts, guts and callings, I decided it was time for me to give back to others by sharing some of myself. Maybe by doing this I will be able to keep my attention on those things that are important to me. I don't want to be one of those people who were dreaming of the future as their life passed them by. So, with the inspiration of "if not now, when?" welcome to Jeni's life and blog.